


In the name of love

by chortlingdingo



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, VictUuri, takes place sometime between episode 2 and 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-10
Updated: 2017-01-10
Packaged: 2018-09-16 13:32:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9274145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chortlingdingo/pseuds/chortlingdingo
Summary: Viktor had been neglecting life and love for twenty years. It takes a toll.





	

**Author's Note:**

> I saw a lot of evidence through YOI that Viktor suffers from depression, which I won't go into here because I'd be writing an essay and who has time for that in an author note.
> 
> Based off my personal experience with depression. I am aware that depression manifests differently for different people.
> 
> Vaguely inspired by Martin Gerrix & Bebe Rexha's "In the Name of Love".
> 
>  
> 
> _"When there's madness, when there's poison in your head, when the sadness leaves you broken in your bed, I will hold you in the depths of your despair, and it's all in the name of love."_

Viktor had been living in Hasetsu for four months, and he had never been happier. Yuuri’s family had welcomed him as if he were one of their own, and watching Yuuri slowly blossom by the day made Viktor’s heart ache with joyous pride. 

He should have known that it was wishful thinking that he had managed to finally get past this.

Viktor woke feeling sluggish and numb, his limbs heavy and a persistent headache pounding behind his left ear. His eyes burned and he shut them against the threat of tears.

He must have made a sound, because Maccachin crawled under his outstretched arm and licked his cheek.

Viktor buried his face in his soft fur and attempted to pull himself back together, but he felt ragged and wrung thin. A pale imitation of himself.

He had dealt with days like these off and on since his parents died, but he hadn’t felt so badly since that horrible period of despair and uncertainty when he realized that he didn’t know why he was skating anymore.

Viktor took a shaky breath, wishing that he could just melt into the mattress.

Maccachin whined softly and pushed his cold nose against his neck.

Viktor ignored him. It was all he could do to stop himself from sobbing like a child. He would feel better. He just needed time.

He dragged his eyes open and blinked away the blurriness until he could make out the time. It was only three in the morning. Plenty of time to glue himself back together before Yuuri would need him. He closed his eyes again, his eyelids too heavy to keep open for long.

Ah, Yuuri. Viktor had been living here long enough to see that Yuuri too struggled with the same black despair that periodically plagued Viktor. But Yuuri was much stronger.

Viktor could always tell when Yuuri wasn’t feeling well from his pale skin and fragile smile, but Yuuri never failed to get back on the ice. By the time he stepped back off, it was as if a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

Viktor had also gotten a glimpse of the infamous anxiety that often crippled Yuuri’s competition performances, but Yuuri didn’t give up. Even after an admittedly disastrous season, Yuuri had picked himself back up and transformed Viktor’s hard-earned routine into something truly heart-wrenching and beautiful.

And here Viktor couldn’t even summon the energy to move. He felt as though gravity had increased tenfold, an inexorable force pressing him down and sapping his strength. He had never been able to get out of bed on days like these. Yakov had long learned to let him come out of it on his own, and Viktor had always managed.

But each time, it got harder and harder to pull himself back together. He felt fragile. Stretched thin.

A few tears slipped out from beneath his closed eyes, wetting Maccachin’s fur.

The poodle licked his cheek again, and then wiggled out from under his arm, dropping to the floor. Viktor heard him pad softly across the room and nudge the door open wide enough to slip through.  

Viktor turned his face fractionally to press his burning eyes against the pillow.

“Maccachin, what’s wrong? Do you need outside?” Yuuri’s voice floated softly through Viktor’s open door, followed by his sleepy footsteps.

Viktor felt a stab of panic through the numb haze. He didn’t want Yuuri to see him like this.

“Maccachin, what?” Yuuri was at the door now, and Viktor frantically tried to summon the energy to smile for him. Maccachin jumped back on the bed and pressed against Viktor’s back, laying his head on his shoulder and whining.

“Viktor, are you okay?” Yuuri asked softly, stepping into the bedroom.

“I’m fine, Yuuri,” Viktor managed, turning his head to smile at him. “Go back to sleep.”

Instead of being reassured, Yuuri looked alarmed. Viktor’s smile broke and he pressed himself into the mattress.

“Oh,” Yuuri said.

Viktor heard the soft snick of the door sliding shut, and felt Yuuri’s presence draw nearer to his bed. There was a moment of quiet, and then Yuuri pulled back the covers and climbed into bed.

“Yuuri, you,” Viktor trailed off, exhausted and faintly surprised as Yuuri gathered him against his chest. He allowed Yuuri to rearrange his limbs without protest until they were pressed together, legs tangled under the blankets, and Viktor’s face tucked into the crook of Yuuri’s neck.

“I’m sorry,” Yuuri whispered. “I didn’t realize. I’ve got you. I’m here.”

Ordinarily, Viktor would have been touched at Yuuri’s compassion, and elated that he had initiated contact for once, but right now, he was too tired, and his heart too heavy to muster more than a vague sound of gratitude.

Yuuri’s gentle support was a balm that soothed Viktor’s ragged edges. Viktor would be okay. He just needed time. He would feel like himself again soon enough, and they would talk and he would answer any questions Yuuri might have.

With enough time, and enough _Yuuri_ , Viktor would be just fine.

He let out a long sigh and closed his eyes again, letting the warm comfort of Yuuri’s embrace lull him back to sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr (chortling-dingo).


End file.
